Beyond silence and denial: A grief counseling framework for families

This study aimed to fully understand the lived experiences of families in pre-death and post-death stages. It also aimed to fully understand the meaning of grief over death and the fear of dying through others’ experiences. How the families cope with grief was also one of the most important information needed to gather from the participants. A new counseling model was the target outcome of this study that could serve as another reference for helping professionals like counselors to facilitate counseling of families who are in grief.   Therese Rando (1986) and Kubler-Ross(1969) were the most importantreferences of the researcher that served as springboard of this study. They strongly believed that all people will definitely pass through grief because by nature, man ceasesto be in his proper time. Their theories confirmed that every man passes throughdefinite stages and in every stage there are common feelings, thoughts and actions shared by those who are on each stage.Six families were the respondents of thestudy. The first set is composed of three families who are in pre-death stages and are experiencing anticipatory grief while the other set is composedofthree families who are in post-death stages and are currently experiencing adaptive grief. In order to gather data, the phenomenological approach in a qualitative research design was used. Aftercarefully selecting qualified participants, the researcher facilitated a one-on-one interview with the individual members of each family. Since the interview was more of open-ended, the researcher counselor, from time to time, felt the need to take the chance of providing counseling to the participants. After the individual interview, all the family members were grouped together in one focus-group discussion. It is during this stage that more counseling was given to the family. All throughout the group sessions, an assistant to the researcher was present to take salient observations. Data analysis followed through coding of themes. Considering all the themes derived from the shared experiences, a new counseling model was designed.   Findings showed that the families in grief shared common experiences like disbelief or denial, shock and feelings of sadness and depression. Frequent sobs and cries were very prominent in their sharing. They also frequently questioned their fate. In spite of the sad experiences these families have been going through, most of the family members managed to overcome grief by holding on to their faith in God. They also tried shifting their attention from the dying or dead loved one to either their career or their studies. Lastly, a strong support system within the family and outside the family helped them also withstand the pains of losing someone.   The model designed by the researcher was based on her own experiences while conducting the study. Allowing the participants to experienceand express their grief experiences was a big help already. Helping the participants identify and affirming their own coping behavior and strengthening them was the next step in counseling people in grief. Re-assuring them that what they were going through was just a normal process and that everyone in this world will really pass through what they are experiencing. Consistent and continuous support by the most significant others is needed so that the individual or the families in grief will finally move on.